This is my third Archive Created due to popular demand.
1.There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
2.You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
3.If it moves, KILL IT!
4.Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
5.One lone "good guy" can defeat an indeterminate number of "bad guys."
"Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.
Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one hit.
You often fare better against a large mob of "bad guys" then against a
"boss" in one on one combat.
6."Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker then they are to do their 'muscle work'.
7.If you see food lying on the ground, eat it.
8.You can smash things and get away with it.
Smashing things doesn't hurt.
Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
9.Cybernetics are our friends.
10.When driving, you can knock other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
11.If someone dies, they disappear.
12.Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
13.All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
14.If you get mad enough, you can fight even better than normal.
15.If it's on the ground, you should get it.
16.Repulsive, ugly, cannabalistic, evil beings have just as much right to be loved as
heroic fighters.
17.The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.
18.You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
19.No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
20.Death is reversible (but only for you!).
21.Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
22.Whenever huge fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
23.When you are born, you drop out of the sky (a stork?) and are completely
invincible for a short time.
24.Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in elaborate
patterns which make it easier for you to shoot them all down.
25.All martial (marital?) arts women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
26.All martial arts men have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
27.The enemy always leaves weapons or powerups lying around for no reason other
than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and defeat them with it.
28.Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil. If it doesn't, try and pick it up---
it was probably a powerup or bonus.
29.Carpe diem! You only live three times!
30.The most powerful fighters always wait until you have acheived a
near-impossible, flawless win record and/or killed a certain number of opponents
before they appear in your presence and beat the crap out of you.
31.You sustain injury if you shoot innocents.
32.200 - 1 odds against you is NOT a problem.
33.gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.
34.When racing vehicles, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new
vehicle will appear in its place.
Rejected State Mottos
State
Motto
Alabama
In God (and Bear Bryant and not necessarily in that order) We Trust
Alaska
If We Didn't Pay People To Stay, We'd Be Greenland
Arkansas
At Least We're not Oklahoma
California
If The Earthquakes Don't Get Us, The LA Subway Tunnelers Will
Colorado
It's Hip to be Square
Conneticut
New York Is For Peasants
Florida
We Take Geritol, Every Day
Georgia
The Jimmy Who? State
Hawaii
We're Just A Big Volcanic Rock With Good Waves
Idaho
That Kooky Potato State Shaped Like A Spout
Illinois
Gateway to Iowa
Indiana
Hoosier Daddy?
Kentucky
Tobacco is a Vegetable
Louisiana
The Closer The Kin...
Maine
Go Away, Leave Us Alone
Maryland
Not a Suburb of D.C.
Massachutsetts
We'll Breed More Kennedys Than You Can Kill
Minnesota
For Sale
Mississippi
Literasy Ain't Everthing
Montana
Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
Nebraska
Eat Corn, Beat Oklahoma, Nothing Else Matters
New Hampshire
We're The Upside-Down Vermont
New Jersey
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an
Attorney
New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York
Are You Talkin' To Me?
North Carolina
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
North Dakota
We've Been Annexed By Canada and No One Noticed
Ohio
Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
Oregon
Don't Make Us Go Postal On Ya
Pennslyvania
Cook With Coal
Rhode Island
You Can Spit Across Our State
South Carolina
Yew Ain't From Around Here, Are Yew?
South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota
Tennesee
The Educashun State
Texas (1)
Si' Hablo Ing'les
Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont
We're The Upside-Down New Hampshire
Virginia
We Don't Know Anyone in West Virginia
Washington
Decaf??? Are You NUTS!!!
West Virginia
Buurrppp!
Wisconsin
The Cheese Stands Alone
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