excitable - shorts half twisted around. cannot find hole. rips shorts
sociable - joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
crosseyed - looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
timid - cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
indifferent - all urinals being used. pisses in sink.
clever - no hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.
frivolous - plays stream up, down, and across urinal, tries to hit fly or butt.
worried - not sure where he has been lately, makes a quick inspection.
absent-minded - opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
childish - pisses directly into bottom of urinal. likes to see the bubbles
sneak - farts silently while pissing,acts very inocent, knows man in next stale will get blamed.
patient - stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.
desperate - waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
tough - bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
efficient - waits until he has to crap,then does both.
fat - backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.
little - stands on box, falls in, drowns.
disgruntled - stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
concieted - holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat.
drunk - holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
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You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .
your twin sister forgets your birthday.
you wake up face down on the pavement.
you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a
water bed.
your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the
freeway.
you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that you're no longer funny
your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR
ALIVE!"
your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test
you wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers
when someone accuses you of faking humor
your lover tells you, "I'm sub-letting another apartment and the movers are here to move me."
you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up
you need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate!
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Indecision is the key to flexibility.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Things are more like they are today then they have ever been before.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.